Giving Up?
by broniewenny
Summary: what if he never left her apartment that night. what if it wasn't almost dying that made her realize how much she wanted him but the threat of him being done? this is my little rewrite of a scene from "Always" slightly OOC for Kate. i own nothing, i just get to take the characters out to play :)


**A/N So hello people. Here is my little version of the scene in Kate's apartment from "Always". I loved the episode, it is one of my favourites and I wouldn't change it but this little thing popped up in a dream and I just had to write it. AM is the god of what he does and i love him for it. Once again everything belongs to AM and ABC, I'm only allowed to take the characters out to play for a while. So yeah, happy reading.**

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"So that's it then Castle? You're giving up, just like that? After 4 years of being partners you're done with the precinct, the team, me?"

Kate paced back and forth, hands running through her curls, focusing her mind on anything but him to try and calm the sudden panic rising in her throat and the anger coursing through her veins. His response startled her slightly as she looked up to focus on his face again.

"Well what else do you expect me to do Kate? Huh, do you think I'm just gonna sit around like a good little puppy dog and wait for the next time you get yourself hurt, or worse killed?"

The pained expression on his face sobered her as she thought about his words.

"Or me?"

His words cut deep in her heart as tears sprang to her eyes. She thought about what her life would be like without Castle. The laughter he brought to her work life, hell even her personal life. He made her life a little brighter so what would she do without that?

"What happens if because you can't let this case go, I end up caught in the crosshairs? Or Espo or Ryan? How are you gonna feel if you let these people take away more of your family away from you? Next time it might not be so easy to save them. The surgeon managed to bring you back but at what cost, eh Kate? What if the next shot is fatal and there's nothing you can do about it. These people aren't worth it Kate. I know that all you want is justice for your mum but the ones behind this aren't willing to let you figure it out, they only care about covering their own asses and they won't stop till they have you backing down. And I know you Kate, I know you can't back down and I know I said that it's what makes you extraordinary but at times it's what makes you so frustrating to be around. It puts you in harms way more often than not so yeah Kate, I fought for you for four years but apparently I've been fighting for someone who clearly isn't interested in anything but revenge and dying for her cause. I love you Kate but its too hard. I-I just can't do it anymore. I can't sit and watch you self destruct because of this case again. So, we're over Kate. I'm done!"

Kate gasped as his words broke through. She scrambled for the right words to make him stay.

"No Castle, wait…Rick please I-"

She reached out to grab him,

"No Kate!"

He pushed against her arms, keeping her at a distance from himself. He knew that if she got close enough, he would break, he wouldn't be able to resist her. He went against every instinct and refused to console her and let her worm her way out of this with excuses and hope.

"I've done my waiting. 4 years I've waited for you to see that I'm right here and I am more than a partner. Every morning I bring you a cup of coffee just so I can see a smile on your face because I think you are the most remarkable, maddening, challenging, frustrating person I've ever met and I love you, Kate and if-"

She cut him off mid sentence, crashing her lips against his and pouring every ounce of emotion into the connection. It was brief and simple but oh so sweet, lips moulding to the others. The kisses were feather light touches of their lips. Kate cradled Rick's face in her hands, thumbs stroking his cheeks, fingers clinging to his neck afraid if she let him go she wouldn't be able to stand on her own two feet. She looked deep into his eyes, those endless baby blues, seeing a myriad of emotions in them, prominently surprise, fear and most of all love. It was written all over his face, felt in the way his fingertips drew soft circles on her waist where his hands had moved to hold her close to him. Every coherent thought forgotten about as they thought of only each other. Kate parted her lips to speak, quickly closing them, wrestling with the words swimming in her mind. Her gaze never leaving his, she tried again to find the right words to express herself. Words had never been her strong point. Actions. That was her thing, hence the reason she had just kissed him out of nowhere, stunning him into the longest silence she's ever heard from him. He looked at expectantly, waiting for her cue.

"No one said it would be easy to love me Castle. You've known from the very beginning that I play it close to the vest. My life isn't plain sailing. It never has been since the night my mum was murdered. I've never been the same and I never will be. It changed me and I thought it made me stronger but really all its been is a burden. My life is as complicated as they get and I thought you understood that. I thought after we talked the other day, you'd saw how I was trying, trying to put myself back together, fix my shattered heart. I want to breakdown that wall and I thought you'd be the one to help me do that. Do you think I enjoy keeping people at a distance, afraid to let anyone close enough in case they end up like my mum? And what if this time I can't come back from it. What if I go down that rabbit hole and I never get out."

"Kate I-"

"No, I need to get this out. Just shush for a minute."

Castle shut his mouth, giving her time to sort out her thoughts and figure out how she wanted to say what she needed to.

"You came into my life, pushing and prodding for information, for the story since day one and slowly but surely you crawled through the cracks in my walls and you set up camp in my heart. You became my best friend, the one I turn to for help, bounce my theories off of, and you somehow keep up with my insane caffeine obsession. You became the one to know me best and I thought this meant that you understood how important it is for me to be whole before I let this go. I need to come to terms with what I want and what I'm feeling before I can fully let myself be happy. You once said I deserved to be happy but how can that happen if I have to do it without you. I don't wanna screw this up, I need to fix it. I meant it when I said I was "a one and done kinda girl".

She grabbed him by the lapels of his jacket, pulling him closer in that were even possible. She looked down at her hands on his chest, finally breaking their eye contact.

"I don't wanna have one foot constantly out the door. I knew that when it happened, I wanted to be able to jump right in completely and not be worried about hiding away or running. I wanted to be by your side through everything and have you by mine, always."

Her use of their word made him gasp, dragging her eyes back up to his face.

"This is too important to me. Us. We're more important than anything and I thought you of all people would see how hard it is for me to show that. I let you in, see the parts of me that no one has ever saw. I let you know the deepest pit of my grief and you're just gonna leave?"

She let go of his jacket, pushing him away easily as he was still too caught in her words to even speak. She walked to the wall on the opposite end of the room, leaning against the door frame using the space and silence to clear her head.

"I had no idea."

His quiet confession surprised her and if she hadn't been paying attention she's sure she would have missed it. His voice was so soft, so worried, so un-Castle-like.

"I thought we actually had a shot. I thought if we closed my mums case that would be it but I realised that I didn't need to get justice for her right now. I just needed to forgive myself and accept what happened to her, to me, to us. I thought you understood that I was healing for us, I was waiting to be ready for us. It was all for us…but if you can't see that, well then you're a jackass Castle and you obviously aren't as in love with me as you've deluded yourself into thinking."

This time it was his turn to cut her off. He stormed across her apartment, winding around her table until he was right in front of her. Reaching up, he placed both hands on either side of Kate's face and pulled her to him. His lips were persistent and taking her by surprise, she gasped. Seeing his opportunity he slipped his tongue into her mouth, joining with hers in a slow dance. She moaned into his mouth, the feeling igniting every nerve ending in his body as she pulled her as close as he could and wound his arms around her back, resting them at the bottom of her spine. He whispered sweet "I love yous" onto her lips between kisses and vowed to himself that he would say it every single day if it made her see how truly, madly, deeply he was in love with her.

Her mind went blank as he kissed her. She couldn't move for a few seconds before she gave herself to him completely, snaking her arms up around his neck to pull him further down to her. She welcomed his tongue willing into her mouth, moaning at the tenderness with which his lips touched hers. She could kiss him forever and never tire. He was so gentle and loving and his tongue stroked hers so softly as if he we're mapping every inch of her mouth. His hands roamed under her shirt as it rose up from her hips. They ran along her sides, dipping at each rib as he traced every inch of her stomach and back with his fingertips, leaving a trail of fire on Kate's skin. When he came across the long scar along her ribs he stopped and looked earnestly into Kate's eyes.

"You honestly believe that I don't love you? Do you think I just said it for the sake of it? Kate, I love you with every fibre of my being. I don't think I could love anyone as much as I do you. The way you move, talk, laugh, even the way you interrogate a suspect, it amazes me, excites me. Just to be near you, I think I fell in love with you that first case. You piqued my interest and you captured my attention and no one, not Gina or Meredith could compare to you. You are everything and I love you more than words could ever express and that is saying something considering what it is I do for a living!"

At his last comment she allowed a giggle to slip past her lips before she claimed his again. Her whole body tingled from his words, left her heart soaring in her chest. She looked up at him hoping her features showed everything she was feeling. Taking her hands from his face, she ran them down his body until she found his, pressing her fingers into the spaces between his. Like two pieces of a puzzle piece they fit together perfectly. The spark ignited her whole body and when she looked into Rick's eyes, they had darkened and feeling a thrill run though her, she leaned forward and whispered into his ear, running her tongue along the lobe,

"I just want you. Take me to bed Castle."

She didn't have to tell him twice. Dragging him away from the door, she headed in the direction of her bedroom stopping only to look over her shoulder at him. She stopped in her tracks just ahead of him.

"Oh and Rick..."

He looked at her, eyes glowing with affection at her use of his first name.

"I love you too."

They entered her bedroom hand in hand, the promise of always running between them.

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**This thing has took over my every thought for days so if you like give me a little review, I like to know how i'm doing and whether or not people actually like my stories. Come say hello on twitter sometime if you want to broniewenny **

**ly bronie xo**


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